you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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