Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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