your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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