In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
