I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
