Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
