and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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