The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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