This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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