I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
