You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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