the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
