Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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