I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
