FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
love makes seman taste better
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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