i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
