you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
