First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the day after is always just damage control
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
