So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
