remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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