i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
