worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
