he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
