Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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