So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
