No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
