i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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