my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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