a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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