Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
