what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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