Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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