I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So much Jack, so little girl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
