4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
