oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
