Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
