what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
