So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
