my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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