Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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