Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
