i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm having to shit out rocks
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