3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
