So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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