I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
