hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
