1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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