I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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