Having a random hookup so left but love u
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
