what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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