thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
