girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
