I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
