did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
