Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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