dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
