the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I supernannyed him into submission
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize