I have demons in me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
