It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
