I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
