Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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