I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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