I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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