The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
