The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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