I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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