Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
being pregnant is like rehab
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
