i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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